


Don’t Kiss Me Now

by SatanSpawnedNougat



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale teasing Crowley, Crack, Crowley’s Plants (Good Omens), Fluff, Holy Water, Hurt/Comfort, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Plants, Plants are a major part of this story, Soft Aziraphale (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 05:56:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19193086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatanSpawnedNougat/pseuds/SatanSpawnedNougat
Summary: Where Crowley is talking to his plants but Aziraphale walks in on him and basically ends up adopting a plant.





	Don’t Kiss Me Now

“Stinky,” Crowley told the plant he was holding, pulling a face and scowling down at the terrified shaking plant. He had gone through his usual routine, checking up on the plants and spraying them when a particular scent had caught his attention. Following it, it led to one of the younger plants in his lustrous collection. A newbie.

“You disappoint me,” he continued in that particular tone of his, “you are a failure of a plant and clearly not cut out to be a part of my collection.” The other plants around him started to tremble as well but the demon paid them no attention, his heavy glare focused on the much smaller one he was holding. He started to walk away, but not before moving his glare to the other plants. “Don’t you _dare_ being failures as well. Grow. Better!”

Then he left the room, holding the small plant far away from his face.

He was aware of his front door opening, but he ignored it. There was only one other person who had a key to his home, and Crowley never minded whenever he dropped by for a visit. “You stinky plant,” he hissed out, “time to dispose of you. And just so you know, you won’t be missed _at all_ , and it will hurt you far more than it will _ever_ hurt me.”

“ _Crowley_!” Aziraphale’s voice called out. He could see the angel standing in the corner of his vision, staring at him and the plant.

“Not now, Aziraphale. I am busy,” Crowley nonchalantly spoke.

“You once told me that you were talking to your plants, but I didn’t knew you were mean to them!” Aziraphale said in obvious distress.

“Stinky,” Crowley continued to call his plant, ignoring the angel for now. He was fighting back a smile.

“No!” Aziraphale wailed, taking a step closer towards him. “Don’t be mean! Plants have feelings too. They are very sensitive and need a lot of love to grow well.”

Crowley threw the shaking plant up in the air and used his powers to make it float, casually swaying it back and forth in the air in the carefree way a child might throw up a ball. “Stinky bastard plant.”

“Nooo!!” Aziraphale cried, distraught.

Crowley paid him no mind. “Rotting brat plant with the horrendous smell,” he said, just as Aziraphale’s radiant wings materialized and the angel set off into the air, gracefully catching the plant and cradling it close against his chest. “ _Hey_! That’s my plant.” Crowley called out.

“It’s my plant now,” the angel stated, landing lightly on the floor and making his wings disappear once again. “I have just adopted it.”

“That plant smells horrible. It will chase away all of your customers, and the scent will linger on your precious books,” the demon replied, pulling up his nose at the scent lingering in his apartment. 

The plant shook at that and Aziraphale shielded it with his own body, stroking the leaves gently. Crowley never thought he would ever think this… but he was becoming jealous of a bloody plant! “You are upsetting the plant. And it will be fine, it just needs some love,” the angel spoke in an almost scolding tone.

Crowley vaguely waved his hand, trying to keep his cool and not show his disappointment. “You can keep Mr. Stinky over there,” he said.

“That wasn’t very nice of you. You should apologize.”

“I’m not going to apologize to a _plant_.”

At that, Aziraphale stormed out of his apartment - with the plant cradled under his arm - and Crowley was left watching him go, wondering if he had just majorly fucked everything up.

~~

When one was immortal and had been around since the dawn of humanity itself, time was fluid; even a decade feeling like barely a blink of an eye and the frequent passing of rain. Compared to their infinite lifespans, humans were but dying candles. If he had been human, he might have immediately gone after Aziraphale, but he wasn’t - neither of them were. He knew that the angel needed some time, and so he gave it to him and hung back for a while.

But Crowley didn’t felt much like patience at the moment, and so he found himself in front of Aziraphale’s bookshop within a couple of months.

Winter had just hit the lands, and the first hints of frost hung in the air. The demon had a deep red scarf wrapped around his throat; it wasn’t as much as to protect him against the cold - he wasn’t that much bothered by it - as it was for the visuals. Carrying a box of chocolates, he carefully opened the door and peeked his head inside. He immediately saw the angel, who was busy readjusting a couple of books on his shelves. “We’re closed!” Aziraphale called out, not yet having turned around.

Crowley gulped. “I’m not here to buy a book, Angel.”

Aziraphale tensed up and slowly turned around to face him. “Oh, Crowley. What a surprise. I haven’t seen you around in a while,” he commented.

“I figured you might want some space after our latest fallout,” he replied.

“Why did you return so soon then? You slept for a century after the previous fallout we had,” Aziraphale commented.

Crowley had to admit he had a good point. “I couldn’t stay away for much longer,” he replied, deciding to go with the truth. The truth always worked the best on Aziraphale. He held up the box of chocolate and waved it around, almost awkwardly. “I got you some chocolate,” he tried.

Aziraphale visibly lit up, and the angel skipped over towards him and took the small box. Then he seemed to compose himself and remember that he wasn’t alone. “I humbly accept the chocolate,” he said while curiously peeking down inside the box to see what kind of chocolates Crowley got him. He seemed pleased by what he saw and happily took one out and popped it in his mouth.

“Are you mad at me?” Crowley asked.

“No, of course not,” Aziraphale was quick to reassure him. Yet Crowley wasn’t so sure. The angel hadn’t smiled at him yet, not even once, and Aziraphale was pretty much smiling all the time. Radiant as the sun itself, the angel had always reminded him of the very first sunrise in creation after the longest night had passed. Whenever the angel smiles, Crowley often found himself looking into his direction, as if treasuring the moment forever in his heart. So, of course, he noticed when Aziraphale didn’t laugh - it would be comparable to as if the sun just decided to turn itself off for a day and cloak the world into darkness.

He watched Aziraphale move around the store and pick up a glass of water, drinking it. Looking at the bright - almost glowing - liquid, the demon narrowed his eyes suspiciously when he realized what it was. “You’re still mad at me,” he stated.

“Of course not. What gave you the impression?”

“For starters,” Crowley pointed out, “you’re drinking holy water. I know what it is. I can feel the… _holiness_. And you haven’t smiled yet since seeing me.”

“I’m sorry, Aziraphale,” he added, not wanting to test his luck too much by calling him ‘Angel,’ “are you still upset about this plant business?” He couldn’t help but wonder what had become of his ex-plant. Was it already dead?

“It’s not me you should be apologizing to,” Aziraphale said, giving him a pointed look. At Crowley’s blank expression, he nodded in the direction of the window. Following his line of vision, Crowley saw it.

There it was, bathing in the sun’s light. His former plant - now much larger and clearly well taken care off. He gave the angel a disbelieving look. “You want me to… _apologize to a plant_?!” He nearly hissed out.

Aziraphale didn’t say anything. Instead, he kept on giving him that pointed look.

Crowley’s shoulders slumped as he weighed his options. He could walk right out of the door and come back in a few decades after Aziraphale moved on from the plant business - or he could apologize to a stupid plant and get it over with. It wasn’t much of a question and the demon made his mind up quickly.

“Just so you know, I hate you for making me do this,” he complained as he walked up to the plant, missing the amused twinkle in Aziraphale’s eyes seeing as he had his back turned towards him.

He knelt before the plant, scowling at it and noticing how the leaves shook. The plant clearly remembered him. “I’m sorry,” Crowley told the plant. He turned back towards Aziraphale. The angel was still giving him that pointed look. “Oh! Are you for real? You bad angel,” he complained before turning back towards the plant and putting the fakest smile amongst all fake smiles on his face.

“Hello, you beautiful plant. I’d like to formally apologize for treating you horribly and calling you ‘Stinky’ all those months ago. Please forgive this stupid demon?” He said in a silky sweet voice, wanting nothing more than to barf and sink through the floor in embarrassment, and possibly burn in holy water for all of eternity. The things he did for Aziraphale.

A loud laugh sounded behind him, and Crowley spun around with narrowed eyes to see Aziraphale losing it and falling over. “Now, that was a sight to behold,” the angel laughed from the floor.

Crowley scoffed and rolled his eyes, a blush threatening to rise on his cheeks. But at least Aziraphale was smiling again. “Does this mean that you forgive me?”

“Oh Crowley, I already forgave you months ago.” Aziraphale casually announced. The demon’s scowl deepened when realization settled in as the angel continued to laugh.

 _Smooth, Angel. Very smooth_.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, the title has been inspired by Queen's 'Don't stop me now'  
> Don't judge x)


End file.
